I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize