I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize