My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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