My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
