Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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