sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
