you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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