Life is so much better after having sex.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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