I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I would fuck him just for his dog
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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