It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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