So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
