dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
