I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
