I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
