You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
