My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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