Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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