I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
