You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Randomize
