just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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