We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
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