I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Screwed.edu
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Everyone says I win the strip club
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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