I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
