He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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