dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I want to be your penis for a week.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
