I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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