thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
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So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I smell like Dick and happiness
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