I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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