hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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