so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
