he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
