fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
