Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
