I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
