I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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