Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
