Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
