"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
