i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
