Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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