U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
