we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
