I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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