I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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