He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
