Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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