You were right. It hurts to walk today.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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