my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
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