he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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