i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
