I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
