call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
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I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
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It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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