omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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