My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
