Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
