We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
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The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
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he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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