we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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