just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
