Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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