Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
