i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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