i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
