her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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