What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
