Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
