remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
