I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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