Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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