i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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