Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
