And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
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we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
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