ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
