dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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