Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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