she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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