Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
