puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
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I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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