So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
