I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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