i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
