Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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